I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Randomize
