Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
