You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
