there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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