My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
