I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
