I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
