the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Life is so much better after having sex.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
