That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
