I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
