Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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