from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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