I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
