We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize
