Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
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