I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Randomize
