allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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