Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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