Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
