her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
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