is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
nutella sex= disaster
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
