he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Randomize
