So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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