Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I have already put on my inside pants.
You were trust falling into bushes
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
