loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
