Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
