Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Randomize
