Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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