Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
