I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Randomize
