Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
