That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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