Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
