her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize