I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
i just made my gag reflex go away.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
How drunk are you?
Completed.
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