she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Pants are for mortals
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
