Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Randomize
