If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize