Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Randomize
