I bet he comes in French.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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