nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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