he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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