Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
