you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Randomize