New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
