Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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