you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
