Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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