We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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