I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
