Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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