if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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