been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
It's official drugs can't kill me
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Can you bring me the toilet please
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
