I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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