She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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