we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Success! We fucked roommates!
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