So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
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