okay pat passed out under dana's car
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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