My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
