I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Randomize
