Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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