I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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