So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
