For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
