Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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