it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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