drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
