I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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