Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
