Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize