Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
