She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
it's great music for shaving your balls
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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