i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize